Promoting Neurodiversity Acceptance Around the Holidays

Holiday gatherings can be a great opportunity to promote neurodiversity acceptance. Family members may have good intentions but they may not always know the right way to support your autistic or neurodivergent child. While you never owe anyone an explanation and you should never feel obligated to disclose any diagnosis, these holiday gatherings can offer many opportunities to give a simple explanation that might help family members better understand what your child needs to feel accepted and supported. It’s important to show our autistic children that we support them for who they are and provide an inclusive environment where they are comfortable being their authentic selves.

Here are some possible scripts to use to support your autistic or neurodivergent child during holiday gatherings

Navigating Holiday Meals:

• When family members push your child to eat the typical holiday foods: 

  • “The turkey does look delicious. Henry really loves chicken nuggets right now so he will be eating that instead. We brought enough to share if anyone else would like some.”

• Accommodations during meals:

  • “Henry would love to sit at the table and eat with everyone however the sounds of everyone eating and talking can be very overwhelming so he will be wearing his headphones during our meal”

Navigating Communication Differences:

• Supporting special interests:

  • “Henry has been learning so much about astronomy recently. He would love to talk to you about it.”

• When family members speak about your child in front of them:

  • “Henry may not feel comfortable talking today but please keep in mind he does understand everything you are saying”

• When phones or devices are asked to be put away for mealtime:

  • “Henry will be keeping the tablet at the dinner table. He uses it to communicate with us”

Navigating Social Expectations:

• If you need to leave early:

  • “Henry had a great time today but is ready for some quiet time now so we will be heading home.

• When the cousins want your child to join in their play ideas: 

  • “Henry brought legos to share if you would like to join him”

• When you need to turn down a holiday invitation: 

  • “Henry loves all of you but would not feel comfortable being around so many people at the same time. He would love to spend time with you individually though. Would you like to join us when we go look at holiday lights?”

Navigating Sensory Needs:

• When family members expect toys to be put away: 

  • “That fidget is actually a sensory tool for Henry. It is allowing him to regulate himself so he can participate in these activities.”

• No need to apologize for not arriving wearing fancy holiday outfits: 

  • “Henry wanted to wear his dinosaur pajamas today. He would love it if you asked him about his favorite dinosaurs”.

• If family members ask your child to stop their stimming:

  • “Henry actually does that to regulate his body. Since he is not hurting himself or anyone else we can let him continue.”

Use your own discretion on how much you would like to disclose. Don’t feel like you ever owe anyone an explanation. However if you do feel comfortable, these can be great opportunities to advocate for your child and spread a neurodiversity affirming message.